By Trevor Chesterfield and Sreetata S. Yellamrazu
Moores, a miracle worker and Pietersen, the Messiah. Sounds wonderful but also rather like a fairy tale that turns to a horrible joke when brought to life. Such has been the nightmare for England over the last couple of weeks. If fans will want their money back, it is because England could not sort themselves out, let alone Stanford’s Superstars, Mumbai’s second string XI and India’s best picking in the one day arena.
It is about a year ago, give or take a week or two, that England’s coach Peter Moores sat facing a curious media. He looked tired. A touch of sunburn, two-day stubble and almost blank watery eyes didn’t help his appearance either: giving the impression he had been on almighty binge. The song “A room with no cheer” seemed more apt to the mood than that old Australian favourite “A pub with no beer”. That song by the way is an Aussie speciality circa early 1960s, sung by a certain David Kirkpatrick, better known to us Down Under types as Slim Dusty. The ode starts . . . “It’s lonesome away from your kindred and all . . .”
But Moores on day four of the first Test in Kandy against Sri Lanka was seriously looking like someone on Police Files ‘Most Wanted List’ as England were facing a possible defeat. They were one for nine (or nine for one) after relinquishing a 93 runs first innings lead to a rampant Sanath Jayasuriya, with 78 off 103 balls in what had been in final Test innings. That was the start to the run-making spree launched in spectacular style by Jayasuriya, aka the Matara Mauler. It was all whack, wallop and woe as Kumar Sangakkara added his silky skills to boost the total.
Palm reading, anyone?
There was the impression Moores didn’t quite know whether to smile or slink into a corner and cry. His bowlers had become spendthrifts and England were backed into a corner. It was about this point, after Sangakkara had his say, that someone – from memory it may have been the burly former England fast bowler, Angus Fraser, or Mike Selvey – who suggested that the right words Moores was looking for were “Has anyone seen the Tooth Fairy”. This was after someone asked if England had a chance to win the game. After all squandering a 93-run first innings lead was enough to turn anyone to a drink a couple of stiff ones.
Moores...looking to take on the batting himself?
Now he could be in the same frame of mind and thinking the same thoughts. Two blistering limited-overs centuries from Yuvraj Singh, the first in Rajkot and the second at Indore’s Maharani Usharaje Trust venue, would have left him wondering if there is an easier way to make a living.
And there is Yuvraj making a mockery of England while the media persisted with stories about the back spasm and doubts whether or not he would play. Tooth Fairy? Yuvraj is your Tooth Fairy and the elf peering over Moores’ left shoulder. That is a genuine double whammy for you. And the four wickets in his ten overs adding the taste of tandoori to the mix, well, what more could Moores expect in this series.
When the line between Guru and Shishya (Teacher and student) blurs
It is hard to understand why Kevin Pietersen and even the England media took a jingoistic pre-series view of how they could beat India at home. England though have overlooked one small fact: India beating Australia 2-0 in a Test series noted by some as being ordinary.
Why ordinary? Well, it is a question that cropped up more than once during the series. But the problem is that Australia’s bowling failed to deliver and Ricky Ponting’s leadership skills were questioned by what is usually a highly supportive Australian media.
For England to arrive and expect to roll over India after a journey from that gaudy disgrace in the Caribbean is suggesting they all believe, Moores included, that the tooth fairy will deliver. But sorry to burst the bubble because Moores is no miracle man and England are in desperate need of a saviour who will turn around not their fortunes primarily but their attitude which seems to have sunk bottom where even Kevin Pietersen may dive hard and find none.
We’ve nailed them, alright
In the run of form that India are in, it is not beyond them to defeat Australia and England in one stroke. Put together a team of the best of the present Australian and England team and chances are that India will still prevail, with one hand tied behind their back.
Not an exaggeration, not bias. Just plain logic given the rather thoughtless (in Australia’s case) and spineless (in England’s thus far) manner in which opponents have arrived in India and expected India to roll over. No more is the ‘lions at home’ tag restricted to only the Indians. Australia showed that there can be quite an empty thinking cap on as England have shown they are rather bleary travellers who cannot begin to the right of way and sense of purpose as they stumble along the road. Even for the lion sized ego of Pietersen, turning around the mood and shape of the camp will be perhaps his finest achievement, is he does manage it.
KP... Sitting on the fence... Did the cow jump OVER the moon?
There may still be a day when England manages to put it across India (and nullify the force of these words) but it is hard to imagine where they can muster their courage from because at the moment, the pitch roller is not only flattening the pitch, but also tears, ego and hopes of the England team as the circus moves on to its next week.
